If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
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