i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
