and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
