I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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