I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
