Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize