OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
