He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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