Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You know, be my cock's hype man.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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