wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
