my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
