Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
