goodnight i made you a song goodbye
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
