please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
