a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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