your thong is hanging out like whoa
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
