I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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