So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You need a sexual gate keeper
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
