Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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