So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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