I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
