Christians are straight up FREAKS
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
vagina is talking i cant
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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