i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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