You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
