Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
