hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
