If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
