my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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