Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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