I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
porn star boner night. come get it.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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