i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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