before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
