Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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