so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Randomize
