so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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