I can't breathe out the right side of my face
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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