and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
