She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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