He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I pour the whiskey from now on
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
