I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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