If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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