Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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