You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
