there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
My day in three words: secret purse cake
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize