Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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