My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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