Swine flu. Run for my life!
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
