Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
