you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
