Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
