My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
