I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
