I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Can I color on your dick again?
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
