I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
