I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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