last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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