just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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