god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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