my phone needs a breathalizer
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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