Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize