you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Randomize
