I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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