Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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