She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
it's like iHOP with fire
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
