3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
no, he came in my armpit
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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