We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
