Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
