it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
