I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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