sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i would punch a child for taco bell
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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