I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
You took a bar mat shot.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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