I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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