My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
it's like iHOP with fire
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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