i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
