I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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