I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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