we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
