She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
