I got chris browned last night
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
