While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
