awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
