i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
