The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
