my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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