jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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