we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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