Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
