allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
