TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Why is there bacon in the couch?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
