Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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