he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
