Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
