I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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