I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
His nipple licking is glorious
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