Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
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