my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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