Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
The air taste purple.
Randomize
