Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
