Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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