Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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