You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
