Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
