Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
I've blown a few things in my day
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Your topless pictures make me question reality
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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