I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize