im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Randomize
