I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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