it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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