I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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