I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
