We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
