OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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